


Te Perdre

by sikiichann614



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 04:30:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14072931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sikiichann614/pseuds/sikiichann614
Summary: All Chanyeol said was a simple sentence, yet it ruined Baekhyun's world. In the midst of noise, he can still hear his heart shattered.





	Te Perdre

**Author's Note:**

> Diamond Crystal - EXO CBX

Chanyeol walks through the school hallway, his footsteps can be heard as it is still early for school to start and the school is almost emptyl. It is just another normal day in Chanyeol's routine. Coming to school to attend student, stand in front of the class with marker in his hand, teaching them the subject that they need to score eventhough some of them does not even pay attention to him. Park Chanyeol is loved by the students. Who wouldn't when this handsome man literally exist like a dream. 

With his slick black hair styled up, showing his clean forehead, black button up shirt that showcasing his fine body, black slack pants that hug his long leg just right, shiny black loafer, people fall for his charm in just a blink of an eye. Ahh, Park Chanyeol really loves black. Black makes him feel confident. Black gives out those charismatic aura whenever people see him. Therefore, Park Chanyeol needs light that can make his life bright. And the person who give the light to him is literally a fluffball sunshine.

"Baekhyunnie!" Chanyeol called out the brunette as he sees him taking out some books from his locker. 

The said person turns to him and once his eyes landed on the tall figure, he flashes out his 100 watt smile. Chanyeol fasten his pace, small smile on his face.

"Chanyeol Hyung. Why are you shouting? People are gonna see us." Baekhyun said in hushed voice as if warning Chanyeol that student teacher relationship isn't allowed in the school.

Chanyeol chuckled. This younger cousin of him is so adorable. He wonders why this boy is still single. Not that he wants the boy to date at such young age. He thought that Baekhyun might end up dying as a single virgin and he really don't want that. He wants this sunshine of his to be happy, yet he didn't know, he is the reason why this boy rejected every confession that he got during Valentine's day.

"Baekhyunnie, Hyung have something to tell you. But don't get angry with me. Can you promise that?"

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows in confusion "What?? Why should I be angry. It is not that we have secrets towards each other right?"

Chanyeol smiles nervously, "Baekhyunnie, Hyung is getting married next month" 

Baekhyun's smile faltered. He feels so numb as if the world stop spinning. Suddenly everything around him become so cold. He felt something inside him broke. Ahh, his heart broke. Park Chanyeol, you break this sunshine of yours' heart.

Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun's expression turns somber. He knows Baekhyun will be angry. Afterall, they promised long before to never keep any secret from one another.

"Baekhyun?"

"Why didn't you tell me Hyung? I-I didn't know that y-you date. M-much more g-getting married. Hyung.." Baekhyun tries to cover the pain in his voice, knowing that he will breakdown from the truth that he doesn't want to believe.

Chanyeol looks down, ashamed of himself for not having the courage to tell Baekhyun sooner. Watching Baekhyun's reaction, he knows the boy is much more feel disappointed of him rather than angry.

"I really want to tell you about her Baekhyunnie but I can't. I am not ready to tell anyone." 

'Ahh.. Her.. I should have know better.' Baekhyun chuckled bitterly. 'Who would love someone like me.'

"Baekhyunnie, Hyung is so sorry." Chanyeol muttered with his sweet voice that Baekhyun know he can't resist. He chuckles playfully, ignoring his already bleeding heart, knowing that the person is a her that he can't beat to win Chanyeol.

"Why are you saying sorry. I completely.." He paused "....understand Chanyeol Hyung. I'm not angry at you. Just disappointed that my Hyung is going to marry a noona and that his brother does not know anything." Baekhyun unconciously pout. 'It hurts'

Chanyeol breathed out a sigh of relief. He immediately pulls Baekhyun into a hug, startling the shorter one. Baekhyun's face buried in his sturdy chest while he rests his chin on top of Baekhyun's head, letting the fluffy hair tickled his cheek.

"Thank you Baekhyunnie.You are the bestest little brother that Hyung could ask for." Baekhyun chuckles painfully. 

"But Baekhyunnie, Hyung have a request though." The pull away from each other.

Baekhyun lifted his eyebrows. "What is it Hyung?"

Chanyeol smiles his beautiful smile. "Can you play the piano for my wedding? I really don't want to pay the pianist since my beautiful little brother is a talented human alive, would you do it for your Hyung?"

'Byun Baekhyun, don't hurt yourself'

Baekhyun smile genuinely. "Of course Hyung. Anything for you.. But, you still have to pay me eventhough i am.." he gulped "..your talented little brother." He tries to joke.

"Oh my God Byun Baek, i just thought i can get you for free. I will pay you with my love, is it alright little brother." Chanyeol ruffles his mop brown hair.

'Fuck you Chanyeol. You already got me since the day i met eyes with you. Byun Baekhyun.. You stupid. Stupidly in love with someone who will never look at you. Wait, he did, but as a little brother. You are only a little brother to him.'

Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol tightly. So tight that he can hear the older's calm heartbeat. For now, let him enjoy the warmth that he might not be able to feel again. Chanyeol was never his. And never will be. And he have to accept his fate. He knows it hurts to love someone so perfect like Chanyeol. Chanyeol is like a diamond while Baekhyun is just a shard of glass among those shiny crystal. Chanyeol will never look at him like he meant the world. Chanyeol is meant to love and Baekhyun is meant to hurt.

'For now, let me have this'

\--

Irene. Bae Irene. The goddess in front of him is the person who succeed to catch Chanyeol's heart. She is beautiful, breathtaking even. No wonder Chanyeol fell for her. She is kind too. Her smile is hypnotizing. She is polite and feminine. Her voice is sweet and soft. And, she is a she. A woman of Chanyeol's life. She has a stable job too. A doctor. They met two years ago, as cliche as it sound was when Baekhyun admitted to the hospital when he fainted due to exhaustion. Chanyeol met her when he was looking for Baekhyun's ward. Baekhyun chuckled at the thought. Irony how Baekhyun is the reason why they met but Park fucking Chanyeol kept it a secret from the younger. Shouldn't the guy thanks him for that or what.

Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol stare at her as if she moved the sun. As if she is Chanyeol's sun. There is so much love in Chanyeol's eyes as he looks at her when she is talking about how her day went by. How Baekhyun was once /still is/ hoping that Chanyeol will look at him like that too.

"So, Baekhyun, Chanyeol told me a lot about you." Irene look at him with a small smile.

Baekhyun force out a chuckle."He must be badmouthing me to you right. Let me tell you Noona, Hyung is a liar don't trust him."

Chanyeol widen his eyes at Baekhyun. "Yah Byun Baek, do not slander me like that. I am a good guy you know. Bae, tell him what i told you"

Irene let out a quiet giggle. "He didn't say anything bad about you. In fact he told me that you are his sunshine, always make him happy. You always score in English and Maths and that you play piano. He said that you are good at singing too. I am looking forward for your performance during our wedding."

Baekhyun nod slowly before taking a sip of his caramel macchiato. The bittersweet taste burn on his tounge. He doesn't know if the taste come from the fact that Chanyeol is getting married with someone who is not him or the taste of the drink. Probably both. His favourite drink is not tasty as it is before

After what it seemed like eternity as they chat and have drinks, Irene suddenly got a phone call from the hospital saying it is an emergency. She left a peck on Chanyeol's cheek and a smile for Baekhyun before went out.

Baekhyun sigh slowly.

"You look a bit off. You alright Baekhyunnie?" Chanyeol tilts his head a bit to the side, face showing concern.

"I'm just tired." Baekhyun answered curtly and look out of the glass wall.

An awkward silence is hanging in the air. They never sit in this situation since the day they knew each other. But this time, with unsaid things and sealed feelings, Baekhyun feels his heart just want to burst. He has been restraining himself from confessing because 'will there be any chance for me if i tell him my feelings' as what he told himself. And Chanyeol.. He doesn't know. He thinks that Baekhyun is so far from him when the latter is just in front of him.

"Hyung.." Baekhyun breaks the silence.

"You love her so much don't you. She is your future life partner so you won't need me anymore. Right Chanyeol Hyung?"

Chanyeol shift uncomfortably "What are you saying Baekhyunnie? I mean, she will be my wife yes but, you are my brother of course I need you too."

Baekhyun chuckled bitterly. "Brother. Bullshit." Baekhyun picks up his wallet and phone and storms out of the cafe, leaving Chanyeol dumbfounded.

Tears blinded Baekhyun's eyes that he can barely see a thing. Hell, he doesn't even feel a thing now. He can't hold it any longer. He just wants to let it out. He knows this will ruin whatever that is left between him and Chanyeol but this feeling is so burdening. He can't carry it alone anymore. He needs to tell him. He needs to know if Chanyeol ever want him in his future. He wants to know so he can finally let go. 

A hand circles around his wrist and tugs him harshly that he turn around to face the tall guy that he wants to avoid. People who walk around them look at them weirdly. 

"What are you saying Byun Baekhyun? What the fuck are you trying to tell me?" Chanyeol's voice wavered as if trying to hold in his anger. Baekhyun can see how Chanyeol's chest rise up and down rapidly as he pant heavily.

Baekhyun stare into those dark brown orbs that hold his galaxy through his own blurry eyes.

"Chanyeol.. Tell me if you ever look at me more than a little brother.Tell me Chanyeol I want to know." Baekhyun quivered..

"Baekhyun--"

"Tell me Chanyeol. Tell me that you never love me more than a little brother and I will--"

"No. Never. I never love you more than a brother. Never Baekhyun" Chanyeol stare deeply inside Baekhyun's beautiful droopy eyes. His voice determine, making Baekyun so sure that this man is serious.

Finally. Fucking finally. Finally his heart shatter. Even the noise of people around them can't block the sound of his world falling onto him. Baekhyun smiles bitterly and laughs at himself. Chanyeol stand there stiffly, looking at the ground. Unable to form a word.

All Chanyeol said was a simple sentence, yet it ruined Baekhyun's world. In the midst of noise, he can still hear his heart shatter.

Baekhyun laughs again ike a madman. "Alright Hyung. Chill. I can finally let you go you know. Just..This thing never happen alright. this stupid confession is just a... I dont know but it just.. Fuck." Baekhyun bit his lips as he can't control the sobs coming out from his mouth.

"It hurts Chanyeol. Because I love you." Chanyeol look up, shock adorning his face.

"Fuck you.. Why are you so shock? Don't you ever see it Chanyeol? I score English for you because i want you to be proud of me. I ace in piano because i want to play with you, beside you. So you will stay close to me. I want to be your sunshine, because I want you to look at me and only me, the one who can light up your life. But then I forgot. That girl is a star. And she complete your dark sky Chanyeol. Everyone love star, they stargaze. And they don't like sun. Because eventhough sun light up the world, no one can look directly at the sun. And you are like that too Chanyeol." Baekhyun buries his face in his hand.

"Baekhyun.. I'm sorry.." Chanyeol turns around and walk to the opposite direction, unaware of the pair of eyes still brimming with tears look at him as he walks away.

Baekhyun feels so lost, so alone. Chanyeol just walk out of him. He left him. Chanyeol left him because he confessed. Chanyeol left him because he is in love with his own cousin, his favourite Hyung. Chanyeol left and Baekhyun feels so broken. Broken beyond repair.

That night, Baekhyun cried in Baekbeom's arms, muttering words that he loves Chanyeol too much that it hurts a lot. Baekhyun cried himself to sleep with Baekbeom watching him crumbling one by one.

\--

Baekhyun walks side by side with his friend, Jongdae when someone stand in front of them, making them halted their step. Jongdae bow respectfully to Chanyeol. Baekhyun stand there, eyes looking everywhere but Chanyeol. 

"Kim Jongdae, I have to speak with Baekhyun, alone. Would you mind?" 

Jongdae look at Baekhyun who gave him his famous puppy eyes as if asking for him to not leave him alone. 

"Kim Jongdae?" Chanyeol called.

"Yes Sir. Of course. I-I will see you at the locker then Baekhyun." Jongdae said and leave Baekhyun alone with Chanyeol.

"What is it Mr. Park?" Baekhyun asks coldly.

"Follow me." Chanyeol said and turn on his heel, heading towards the empty classroom.

Once inside, Chanyeol locks the door for he knows wall have ears too.

"What do you want?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" Chanyeol asks, looking directly into Baekhyun's sunken eyes.

"What do you expect for me to do Mr. Park? You are getting married next week and you expect to be normal with you when I--"

"I'm so tired Chanyeol." Chanyeol can see that Baekhyun look so exhausted. The bag under his eyes seems to weight ton and the dark circle is visible too.

"I'm sorry Baekhyun. I.. Baekhyun, it is alright if you don't want to perform on my wedding. I will respect your decision. Just, don't avoid me. I feel like nothing without you." Chanyeol's eyes look so honest that Baekhyun almost fall for him more and more. 

Baekhyun chuckle. "If that is the thing that make you worried then don't worry. I will still perform at your wedding. That is the least that I can give you because i will never be good enough for you. And I will move on from you. I just need space. So please, respect me and fulfill me this one last wish." The younger shake his head and left the class before Chanyeol can open his mouth.

Chanyeol watch Baekhyun's back until he was out of sight. 

\--

Chanyeol's palm is sweating. The guests already arrive at the church and he can see his colleagues talking with each other, the kids playing around their parents, his future spouse's family is also there, taking pictures and even his relatives and the priest are already arrive and yet, his eyes still trying to find the boy with mop brown hair. It has been a week that Baekhyun avoid him at school since their last conversation.

Chanyeol feels so empty, his days feel so dull. Baekhyun is drifting far away from him, and he doesn't want that. He is confused but he is so sure he doesn't love Baekhyun more than that. At time like this he really needs Baekhyun. He needs him so he can apologize to the shorter and mend their relationship and he also wants Baekhyun to calm him down. Baekhyun is the only person who can give him those soothing word and make him feel at ease. Honestly, Chanyeol misses Baekhyun a lot. 

Baekbeom, Baekhyun's brother passes by Chanyeol's waiting room with phone in his hand.

"Baekbeom!" Chanyeol walks to his cousin.

"Hey Chanyeol." Baekbeom gives him a small smile.

"Where is Baekhyun?" Chanyeol asks.

Baekbeom scratches the back of his head, a hesitate look on his face. 

"Oh, Hyun just woke up from his sleep. I called him just now. Don't worry. He is going to arrive before the performance." 

Chanyeol frowned "He is not going to see me--"

"See you get married in front of him?" Baekbeom's jaw clenched. He look so ready to punch this cousin of him. Baekbeom gives a stern look to Chanyeol.

"Chanyeol, spare my brother some sympathy. You broke his heart dude. I know it is not your fault that you can't love him the way he want you to. But at least, don't be selfish towards him. My brother is fragile like a glass. And you ruin him enough. Feel grateful that he still wants to perform at your wedding. He even worked hard for that. He practiced day and night to give the perfection that will never be enough for you. Give my brother some times. Let him heal." Baekbeom said, no spite in his words.

Chanyeol sigh. "Baekbeom.." He wants to say something but his tounge was tied. And Chanyeol is afraid because he feel so unsure right now.

"Its alright Chanyeol. Congrats man. Im happy for you" Baekbeom pat his shoulder twice before leaving the guy to tend his guilt that suddenly crept up to his gut. '

\--

"Do you, Park Chanyeol, take Bae Joohyun as your wife?"

Chanyeol look at the priest, he heaved a sigh "I do," He finished the vow despite the hollow that he feels in his chest as Baekhyun's name keep replaying in his head. His heart aches.

They exchange kiss and rings and Baekhyun is still nowhere in his sight. The newly wed couple greet everyone and Chanyeol put the best smile he can. He is married but why he is unhappy? Why he feel so forced. Why is he like this? What the fuck Park Chanyeol?

"Baekbeom where is your brother? He should have arrived by now. His performance is nearing." Mr. Byun urged Baekbeom.

"Relax dad he is going to be here soon. Don't worry." Just then his phone rang and he pick it up, seeing the caller ID is none other than Baekhyun.

"Hyung, im just across the venue. Please prepare my piano for me." Baekhyun shouts through the phone as the cars' noise on the road overshadow his own voice..

Baekbeom frowned "What? I can't hear you clearly.."

Baekhyun sighed at the other side of the phone "Hyung just..."

A loud crash was heard and everything went silence. Baekbeom feel his blood run cold. The guests turn their head towards the door as the crash and honking of cars can be heard from across the road to the church. Chanyeol feel his heart thumping hard against his chest.

Baekbeom let tears stung in his eyes. "Baekhyun.."

Silence.

\--

Red. Chanyeol sees red. Everything is red. Baekhyun.. is red. Blood is everywhere. On his face, under his head, his chest, his hand. Baekhyun is there. Covered in blood. He watches as Baekbeom shouts frantically to the people surrounded them to call for the ambulance. He watches as Irene gasped loudly and cover her mouth. He watches as Baekhyun's parents cried. He watches as Baekhyun breathing slowly, trying to have some more breath to stay alive. Yet he couldn't hear anything. Everything seems in slow motion and there are only Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He couldn't move.

He fall on one knee followed by the other one. His mind is all blank. Carefully taking the bloodied brunette in his arms, letting his wedding tux stained by Baekhyun's blood.

"C-Chanyeol, put him down, you might cause other injuries to him." Irene tries to warn him but Chanyeol turn to deaf ear, as if no one talk to him. His only focus is only on Baekhyun. Only Byun Baekhyun.

"Baekhyun.. wake up.. You cant leave me like ths.. No.." He sobs painfully, still unable to grasp the situation that Baekhyun is dying in his arms.

"Hyung.." Baekhyun's voice sounds so weak. Baekhyun slowly bring his injured hands to Chanyeol's big one. His grasp on the hand feel like thin air.

"Its hurt.." Trail of tears go down on the side of his bloody temple, mixing the two different liquid together.

"No Baekhyun don't go.. Don't.. Just please.. God save him." Chanyeol cried as he feels his chest twisted that it hurts so much.

Baekhyun feels his body hurting so much. He doesn't know what happen. He just want to cross the road while answering his brother and the next thing he knew everything is hurt. But he can feel those strong arms that put his body on the lap. It hurts when this guy moved him but it hurts more when this guy won't be his forever . 

He tries his best to open his eyes, to capture the tall man's face for one last time so he can bring this beautiful memories for him onto the next life. And so, he look into the guy's beautiful orbs.

"Dont cry.. Hyung.." He whispers as his throat burn because the blood is making its way out of his mouth, making half of his face covered by thick red liquid. He wants to wipe those tears but his hand hurts so much. Maybe later. If there is later.

Chanyeol holds his gaze into the boy's eyes that hold his universe. He sniff as Baekhyun's eyes flutter open 

"Hyung.."

"Baekhyun.. Stay.." He plead

Baekhyun smile despite the pain he feel all over is body.

"Let me be your sun forever..." Baekhun whisper, his hand slowly fall to the side.

"No Baekhyun no.,, I want you here, by my side please.." He cries harder.

Baekhyun nods, gasping for his last breathe as his eyes drooping low, until it finally shut, letting his soul be lifted to the abyss.

Chanyeol feels Baekhyun's body completely went limp in his arms. Small whimper escaped Chanyeol's lips as realisation finally sink in. Burying his face at the side of Baekhyun's head, he screamed in agony eventhough he know Baekhyun wont hear him anymore. Eventhough he know Baekhyun wont come back. 

That evening, under the dark cloudless sky, the universe heard the wailing of a man who lose his sunshine.

\--

Park Chanyeol always love sunny day. He loves sunny day.He loves it when the sun is up there, shining brightly to light up the whole world. Park Chanyeol's favourite was when it come up to the horizon, chasing away the darkness and then slowly turning to light shade of pink, before it become a glowing medallion in the sky. Accompanying Chanyeol through the day, providing him the warmth that he find comfort in it.

Park Chanyeol least like it when it is turning to the shade of bright orange that fill up the atmosphere. The sun set slowly behind the mountain and finally, the sky turn dark.Chanyeol hate the feeling of loneliness that the dark gives him.But Chanyeol does not mind it. Because he know that without the night, sun might get tired and will not rise the next day. So, he will himself to wait for a night until the sun come up again tomorrow. Even so, the sun still gives it light through the moon. And Chanyeol is grateful that he chose to be the sun instead of the stars. Because the stars can only be seen during the night and faded on daylight. While sun, it stays, without appearing physically, just like him, Chanyeol knows.

Him.. How long has it been? Two years? Three years? Chanyeol lost count. No... He stop counting, because time seems to fly painfully slow without him. 

"I miss you.." He muttered as his gaze linger on the sun that sank slowly leaving reflection of his lights to form lines on the water's surface of the lake. 

"Baekhyunnie.. Byun Baekhyun.." His lips stretched thin, even when his eyes welled with tears that he don't want to let down.

Since the day he witnessed the death of Byun Baekhyun, he hates black. Park Chanyeol hates black. Because it reminded him how he lose Baekhyun. He was too blinded with his own denial towards the younger. If only he accept the fact that he once had a feeling for the younger then maybe, maybe he will be there, with Chanyeol watching the sunset.

After the funeral, no one said a thing. Chanyeol was quiet, Irene doesnt dare to open her mouth, Byun's family was too lost to even react. They don't blame anyone except the car driver who drive carelessly at the busy road. He receive his punishment by the law so it is quite fair to the family's victim. But Chanyeol, he believes that the incident is his fault. Baekbeom was devastated. Yet he doesn't blame Chanyeol. He knows Baekhyun will be angry if he does that. Baekbeom said it is unfair, that Baekhyun chose to be with Chanyeol until the end and even when he is gone, he still wants the best for Chanyeol. That night Baekbeom cried the loudest beside Chanyeol. Finally accepting the fact that he lost the only brother that he has.

Chanyeol's life was dull. No more mop brown hair, crescent eyes,button nose, the rectangular smile, loud chatter, shriek laughter, the slender fingers, the living presence of Byun Baekhyun in his life. He will always stop by the locker, to take a look even a glimpse of Baekhyun's pictures or note that was posted on it by the teachers and friends. Chanyeol is grateful that Baekhyun is so loved by everyone.

Chanyeol's marriage with Irene was short lived. They had to leave each other as Chanyeol admit that he won't be the same anymore. Irene nod understandingly saying that she knows the moment she saw Chanyeol hold Baekhyun in his arms, she knows that everything will change. Hoping that they will be together again someday, Irene left him alone in the apartment. With memories and caramel macchiato, Chanyeol goes on with his life.

Chanyeol heaved a sigh as the moon can already be seen and that the sun is already gone. The moon look stunning tonight, as it glows the brightest although it is surronded by the black sky. Chanyeol smile, relief that Baekhyun is doing well up there. Deep in his big heart, he hope that in the next llife, he will be able to be with Baekhyun. Whether as the sun, the moon, the star or the sky. He doesn't care. As long as Byun Baekhyun is beside Park Chanyeol, a place where he belongs rightfully.

'Guess that this life is not the time Baekhyunnie. I promise, i will search for you, and i will tell you that I love you. I will search for you, my little sunshine"

Park Chanyeol is looking forward for tomorrow's sunrise.

 

END


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